As a practicing Muslim, I had developed my faith early on with the hand of my parents constantly guiding me forward, Alhumdulillah, (all thanks and praises be to Allah). Though they worried, I do not think there was ever a fear that I may end up having an attraction towards other women. Of course, I don’t blame them. They grew up in an entirely different culture in a society with its own set of rules. No one can have the perfect parents and what my own have done for me can never be repaid.
So if you wonder whether I am bitter or resentful about not being able to reveal this part of myself to them, the answer is simply “Never”. And there is more than one reason for that. The first and most important being that I do not in any way desire to change, reform or reinterpret the Qur’an, hadith, or the consensus of well-learned Muslim scholars in any way. This is likely where the fork in the path is seen with the LGBT Muslim community. Most either somehow reconcile their faith with their way of life or leave Islam altogether. But there are also those who come to a realization that perhaps this is a test of faith.
I know what it is to look at the one you love with repressed feelings and unfulfilled desire. Yet, now that I have come down this path, I see that desire is not something I need to fulfill. I am perfectly content to show her my love, my care and support without kissing her on the mouth or lying with her in bed. Such superficial things are not worth risking my relationship with someone far more important. You see, if I ever find the need to share my sexuality with my parents and my family… it will not be because I want them to accept me. It will be for some purpose far greater than serving myself. Whether that moment will come or not is yet to be seen but one thing will never change: my love will always be for the sake of my Creator. There is no greater love nor anything that can overcome it. Not my desires, not hatred, not any amount of distance or even death.
I plan to share my story here in later posts. Perhaps it will bring someone a change of heart or some fresh perspective. Until then, take care.